Anger is a manifestation of fear. Children caring for a
parent with Alzheimer’s can subconsciously be afraid of many things.
For
example, they can be afraid:
1. that they may be genetically programmed for Alzheimer’s
2. that they
might have no one to care for them if and when the time comes that they become ill
3. of their own
mortality (if a parent dies, it makes them “next up”)
Before your fears are
expressed as anger, delve below the surface and determine of what you are
afraid.
Amy Tan continues on to say: "My mother has been unhappy all her life. For the first time in her life, she's happy."
When a parent reverts to
childlike behavior and the child becomes the parent, it’s possible to repair
rifts in relationships. Parents can return to a time of innocence before the
slings and arrows of life hardened their heart.
If you can let go of past
hurts, you can enjoy the person who has emerged through Alzheimer’s.
As you near the end
of your days, fame and fortune won’t matter much. It’s only the people who
surround you and the deep relationships which you have nurtured throughout your life
that will count.
This is the meaning of life: to love and be loved.
Don’t waste
another moment: let your loved ones know how much they mean to you. Alzheimer’s
patients may have lost their ability to communicate with words but they still
understand loving touch and actions … even if it’s just in the moment.
Life is lived in the
contrast between the spectrum of light and dark; good and bad, positive and
negative, etc. These circumstances reflect the natural duality of the world.
Experiencing both ends allows you to better understand and appreciate each
situation in which you find yourself.
Thus,
caregiving can be regarded as both a burden and a blessing. It depends where
you stand on the continuum of duality and which way you choose to look.
Hugh Black also wrote:
“It is the merry heart that makes the cheerful countenance, and it is the
cheerful countenance that spreads cheer to make other hearts merry. A bright
and happy temperament is a great social asset, adding to the happiness of the
world.”
Each day, try to bring a little bit of sunshine into the life of the
person for whom you are caregiving. It will make a difference in both of your
lives!
Although caregiving
is wrought with difficulties, you are learning life lessons that will serve you
well for the rest of your days.
To name a few … you’re developing patience, an
empathetic nature, and a full appreciation of the littlest moments/triumphs of
life.
Either way ...
your caregiving duties give you the power to change a person’s life … even if it’s only for a few
seconds.
Good, nice – these
seem like very benign words, not like the superlatives of fantastic, terrific
or the best. However, there is power in simplicity and just being plain old
good or nice.
For example, Cheryl Richardson said, "When we think good
thoughts, we feel good. When we feel good, we make good choices. When we feel
good and make good choices, we draw more good experiences into our lives. It
really is that simple ... and elegant ... and true."
Hope you have a nice
day!
When it comes to
caregiving (and most situations in life), it’s your attitude that matters most.
Don’t be a martyr and feel obligated to handle your caregiving on your own.
There’s support to be had. You just have to look for it, and, when offered,
accept it. Think of your receipt of help as a gift to the giver, for he/she
gets to feel good about helping.
Caring and caregiving are two ways to reap that value.
Although very difficult at times, the rewards are also great.
Volunteering at
my mom’s assisted living facility and bestowing simple kindnesses on the
residents (and seeing their gratitude) fills my heart with warmth knowing that
I was able to help a fellow human being.
Sparks describes the
essence of my most favorite concept: the “do-over.” Here’s how it applies to
caregiving.
It’s easy to get upset while offering care to a loved one, and, accordingly,
you might lash out in anger or frustration at him or her. However, on the
bright side, he/she will most likely forget the incident. This allows you to do
better each day … to have a do-over until you can strike the best emotional
balance with your loved one.
To us, eating is a simple
procedure. To a person with Alzheimer's, the task can be overwhelming. At your next
meal, think about how many steps you follow when eating.
Taking care of an ill
loved one can be a heavy burden, especially when you have to support him/her
emotionally, physically and financially.
If it’s too overwhelming for you,
don’t be shy to ask for assistance or guidance from doctors, counselors, day
care centers, relatives, friends or even your neighbors. When responsibilities
and tasks are shared, they become more manageable and tend to lessen your
isolation.
It’s important to try
to keep a sense of humor about your caregiving duties and the sometimes
absurd situations that need addressing.
Laughter really is the best medicine
and the strongest type you can take to strengthen your body and mind. It
relaxes the whole body; it boosts the immune system; it triggers the release of
endorphins and lowers stress hormones; decreases pain; prevents heart
disease; improves mood; and eases anxiety and fear.
Some days never start
out the way you want them to, but that doesn’t mean you can’t turn it around.
Even the bad moments won’t last forever.
Be optimistic and face the “bad” with
the intention to find the nugget of good in the situation. Try not to lose
sight of the positivity which surrounds you every day … if you choose to look
for it. Use it to stay focused and allow
it to help you release your inner smile. Smiling creates a clear path directly
to the heart of another.
Although there are
some prescribed medications for Dementia, such as Namenda and Aricept,
ultimately, there is no cure. In some cases, these only delay the inevitable
symptoms.
Truly, the “spoonful of sugar” that makes this bitter pill of a
disease go down (or be manageable) is love with a big dose of respect, honor
and empathy added in.
It’s easy to get
caught up in negativity when you are observing your loved one slipping away
from you a little bit more each day.
It’s important to consciously remind
yourself to make it a point to rediscover your sense of gratitude, as well as your smile when you
think of all the things and people you do have in your life.
See if you can
elicit a smile from your loved one. It can light up the moment, and it’s in
these moments where we all live and love.
When you’re able to
address the loss of a parent and figure out how to move through this
circumstance in a healthy manner, you might want to think about turning around to help the
next person who is approaching this difficult time in his/her life.
I like to envision that, if everyone would put his/her hand out to help another, we could all end
up holding hands. This certainly would make burdens easier to carry.
The world is a giant
mirror. Therefore, whatever you emit into the universe, it is reflected back
into your life.
For example, if you’re
feeling frustrated with your situation, you will be met by circumstances that
will increase your frustration. Conversely, if you approach your caregiving
duties with patience, your loved one will also exhibit a calm and even nature.
Your contentment with
your life circumstances all comes down to your perspective.
You can either say,
“Oh no! Another problem to solve!” OR “Oh goody! Another problem I CAN solve!”
Just think of how empowered you will feel when you’re able to figure out a
solution that can be of benefit to both you and your loved one for whom you are
caring.
For more tips and inspirational thoughts about caregiving, follow my board on Pinterest by clicking here.
For more information and to purchase either an introductory book on Caregiving and Dementia or one that delves more deeply into the subject matter and offers practical, spiritual and emotional tips and thoughts, click here.
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